Have I Ever Told You?
by Gillianandersonwannabe
Summary: A Scully POV drabble. Some different thoughts on MSR, I think...


_**A/N: **Oh goodness. Is this a drabble? I think it's a drabble. This stems from my inabililty to find a word to call the Mulder and Scully dynamic. Lovers? Nah, too cheesy for me. Boyfriend and Girlfriend? *cringe* Soulmates? Too trite. See the problem? Also I get tired of the classic love confessions. Like, for real people, lets get CREATIVE. Well, anyway, this is just my opinion._

_This is set after All Things, but obviously before Requiem, because Mulder's in it._

_Anything else? Watch for typos and alert me to them please! I'm a rubbish proofreader. Also leave reviews, they make me smile:)_

**_Disclaimer:_**_ I don't own Mulder or Scully. They belong to FOX and my buddy Chris Carter. Which is a shame, because lately they haven't been let out much._

* * *

I never thought that I would be a lover. I never really considered myself to be that kind of person. The term lover seems to come with certain expectations, certain criteria I never saw myself meeting. It comes with an aura of mystery and passion; I never considered myself capable of heated passion, of desire and intrigue.

Of course, I did, at one point become one, because Daniel came along. He made me into a lover. Someone who rendezvous' at midnight and says things like, "I need to see you again" and "I can only think about you".

When I found out that he was married he tried to make me into a mistress. I refused to be forced to say words like, "When will your wife be home?". Leaving him was one of the hardest things I've ever done. The way I saw it, I didn't have a choice. One thing I tried to not become was a home wrecker.

Never had I loved with such a passion. I won't deny that. I won't deny that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with that man. Medical school didn't matter, so long as I was with him. He made me crazy, made me forget who I was. I look back, and realize that I hated it.

I would never be a lover again.

I never thought that I could be a girlfriend. When I hear that term, I think about some sweet blonde who calls just to say hi. Girlfriends are cute, pretty, and loveable. I describe myself as calm, rational, and practical.

Jack was my boyfriend though. I was his girlfriend. I called just to check in. I let him take me out on dates, let him pay for dinner. It was... Nice.

But also suffocating.

He could never tell, but every word I said, every smile I painted on, was painful. I think that I loved him, but I couldn't be what he needed. He taught me that I could love, but I could not play the role of the doting girlfriend. Not like I needed him to tell me. Sometimes I'll admit, I do miss the sense of security he brought me. He kept me sane. Too sane.

That was my last boyfriend.

I've never told anyone this, but for two short weeks, I was a fiancé. Sean and I saw each other for a little over a year when I was young. High school young. Far too young.

I think I loved him. I think that's what made me say yes, because in that moment, I meant it. Two weeks later? I knew I didn't. I realized that I had plans for my life. Those plans did not involve marriage to Sean, or anyone.

For the first time in my life, though, I seriously thought about my future. I opened my eyes and contemplated the dog, the kids, the white picket fence. It bothered me. Rather than making me feel secure, the idea of a house, a garden, and a nursery made me feel constricted.

That is why I did not become a doctor. I knew that I wasn't quite ready for the swing set, the birdbath, and the diamond ring. So I chose the FBI. I needed excitement. I needed to feel alive.

I never thought I could be the Dana Scully I wanted to be. Everyone, it seemed, wanted something different of her, including myself. I lost sight of myself when I met Daniel. Afterwards I found myself again in the desire to be treated as an equal in a man's world.

I bought taller heels. Sharper suits. Cut my hair. Threw my shoulders back. Tilted my chin up. Talked with a steadier voice.

Eventually I got what I wanted. Still, it left me unsatisfied. My goal, and therefore my achievement of it, was empty. That's when I met Fox Mulder.

Mulder helped me find... Me. I stopped pretending to be something I'm not. He might take me out to dinner once in a while, but I'm not his girlfriend. We may love late into the night, but we aren't lovers. And you know what I think? I don't think that marriage could qualify our love.

After many years with Mulder I found my niche in the world. Where _I_ belong. Who _I _am. What _I _stand for.

Mulder never forces me to be anything, he just lets me be. He helps me to grow, not in a path that he chooses, but in one that I create. He doesn't force me to love him the way I do, I choose to.

Are we soulmates? Are we reincarnated in different bodies, but continuing to travel through eternity together? How long have we loved? Are we old souls, rediscovering love, or are we young ones, enjoying our new found bliss?

Or perhaps we are just the lucky ones.

Whether he's my soulmate or not, I have him to thank for everything. I never thought I'd be a lover, a girlfriend, a fiancé, or even a soulmate. That's okay though. Now, all I have to be is-

"Scully?"

"Yeah Mulder?"

"You look like you're thinking pretty hard." Mulder looks over at me from atop the file he's been studying.

"Yeah, I am."

"Penny for your thoughts?" He drops the file. He waits, knowing that I'll answer when I'm ready.

"Have I ever told you that I love you?" I ask.

He cocks his head. "No, I don't believe so."

I nod my head and let us sit in the comfortable silence we have grown accustomed to. We sit for so long that he almost goes back to reading the file. That's when I speak. "Well, I do." It almost seems to be a formality. I like knowing that he would've never asked me to say it though. I like that he let me choose.

He smiles. "Thank you Scully." He pauses, almost afraid to say it. "I love you too."

And then, there's nothing more to say. He picks the file back up and I start typing again.

_Why _don't we fall into each others arms in a passionate lip lock? I guess that's just not us. Maybe its fate, or maybe it's just plain dumb luck, but we seem to have all the time in the world.


End file.
